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Modalities and Personality Orientation

Treat others how THEY want to be treated
Personal Approach and Preferences  

Treat others how THEY want to be treated

One has to be mindful of other people's feelings and preferences. One cannot just be oneself, say and do whatever one likes or whatever feels right or good to do, not thinking about one's actions or the consequences of one's behaviour or actions; and thinking if anyone gets upset or stressed by your behaviour then it's their fault! There are two sides to every coin. It's not a jungle out there, with each person for himself or herself! Relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.

One cannot just treat others as one would have oneself treated! Although that's a very good starting point. One cannot just assume that everyone else is like you, and that other people's experiences are only valid if you yourself have experienced them. One must treat others how they themselves want to be treated, if one wants to get the best out of people, sell them your product or to make people around one happy and harmonious.

People are different, and have personality-based preferences for interpreting information, receiving and giving information, and how they formulate beliefs and ideas. Whoever says everyone should be one way is inexperienced and immature, and cannot see outside of themselves. This flawed attitude is common amongst youth culture movements, such as punk, where one has to dress in a certain youth culture uniform, and behave and think in a certain manner, and expect youths and adults alike to have a childlike, direct, playful and irresponsible attitude; whilst all the time they don't know their own personalities, don't have the confidence to find out, and don't want to find out as they think they will sell out and go against the values of their peer group. Obviously this doesn't apply to all punks and punk bands, but the vast majority. Many bands make the mistake of thinking their audience is intelligent, whereas in reality they are impressionable and grasp at the lowest common denominator. Of course, people in bands tend to be the motherly, caring, opinionated, creative types or the pleasure seeking types. The latter are childlike, and that's why they are in that job! And nothing wrong with that. That's the way they are, they are using their personal strengths. But not everyone is like that. The fans shouldn't take lyrics as an instruction manual in what to think, they are one persons gibberings, neuroses or thoughts at a particular point in time, or writings for their own amusement or writings to bolster his or her ego. Interpret with perspective!

One a different note, there is no point investing time or effort into someone that does not want to change or is not interested in personal development or improving themselves. This is especially poignant in friendships, romantic relationships and also in business relationships where you have to work with someone who is unmanageable, unprofessional and/or incompetent in certain respects. In the work scenario, you can put in considerable effort trying to help them improve, be met with much resistance and attitude, and at the end of the day, that person can just walk out and quit, making all your efforts totally wasted as far as your company or your own working situation is concerned - especially if you have health issues! That person also would not be grateful for your efforts and would simply think you were a very mean, nasty person (ego resistance). 

Personal Approach and Preferences

So of all the different personality orientations, below I have listed just a few:

It is clear that many people share both sides of a preference, depending on the situation. For example, a person with the 'white' personality who is usually very vague may be extremely detailed oriented in certain matters, in certain areas. Also, many 'white' personalities who are normally very vague when they answer questions, may go into elaborate detail when recounting an experience rather than just summarising it in a few sentences. It is clear that to get the best out of people, and to gain the maximum rapport, it is important to adapt to other people's preferences and orientation, rather than sticking to what one likes. For example, if an I.T. support engineer, who is normally a detail oriented person (with respect to his work) asks what the problem with a computer is, it can be extremely annoying if the user simply says 'the machine isn't working' without defining any parameters whatsoever, unable to find any appropriate and relevant nouns! In addition, if person A says good morning to his work colleagues each morning, he may become slightly irritated if one person he says good morning too takes it as an opportunity to stop him and tell him about something he's done recently in full detail (his life story), rather than just acknowledging the greeting and smiling for example. If however person A loves excessive detail in all areas, then he may enjoy this! If you are the type of person to talk at people about something you've done in full detail on a regular basis, try to use some sensory acuity to notice if the person you are talking to really wants to hear it. One can observe signs and signals and body language.

Let us take a hypothetical example of Charles working in a cafe or diner, and Geoff comes in each day and orders a cup of tea. Geoff usually comes in around 08:30am. Geoff has had a full breakfast at home with his wife and wants to have a cup of tea before going out on the road for the day. Geoff orders a cup of tea, Charles serves him a three course meal, even though Geoff never ordered it or wanted it, and only after 90 minutes does Geoff actually get his cup of tea. Geoff gets progressively more irritated, but doesn't say anything. Charles is totally oblivious to Geoff's irritation and body language and keeps on going. Charles thinks he is really sorting out Geoff, really looking after him, even though he isn't giving him what he wants. Charles is totally oblivious to what Geoff actually wants or how he is reacting. Geoff ends up being late.

Imagine that this happens everyday. Is this any way to run a business? Is this any way to treat a customer? If someone places an order or requests something, then it is traditional to give them what they wanted. If you serve the same dish all the time regardless of what people order, just because it is what you would want if you were being served, are you really looking after your customers? Serving customers in this manner displays a total lack of empathy and indicates that a person is in their own world and not receptive to live, ongoing feedback and body language from others; or the needs of others or their personality type. Such a person does not tend to listen very readily.

If Charles was preparing some food for himself, and time was no constraint, he would probably make his favourite three course meal. However, when a customer orders or wants something, who is getting the food, Charles or the customer? Of course, it is the customer. However, Charles isn't noticing whether his customers are hungry or not or what they actually ordered. Will he have any customers left? Or if he does, will they find him annoying? Perhaps Charles adopts the attitude whereby he expects the customer to complain or say something if they do not get what they ordered. In this way, Charles defers the responsibility to the customer and away from himself. He can just carry on as normal, with any dissatisfaction being the customer's fault for not speaking up if their order is not correct. In a cafe or diner, it is up to the waiter or waitress to deliver quality, to deliver what people want first time, every time! This is good customer service and a sign of competence.

Understanding personality types and personal orientation is very applicable when getting involved in an investment with a company or starting up a new business or venture. If you are not totally happy with the person you are dealing with (i.e. you do not completely trust or respect them), then it is best to walk away and find another opportunity which is as good if not better, but where the owner/director has a personality that you are happy to work with. As with romantic relationships or friendships, if you identify any issues at the start, then they are unlikely to go away and cannot be 'brushed under the carpet' or forgotten about, as they will affect your working relationship more and more over time, and will probably drive you nuts or cause you many problems. There are millions of opportunities out there and there is no reason to settle for second best or the first half good thing that comes along, and regret it later. If the person is arrogant, not totally open or willing to divulge critical information or hopeless with figures or management, walk away!

When entering into employment in a new company or environment, it is important to notice what the personal approaches people prefer and how extreme or balanced they are in these respects. It is also worth noting the personality types of the people you will be working with, how balanced they are, and what the positive and negative qualities of their primary and secondary personality types are. Those with unbalanced or with a strong 'single colour' personality, and in particular those with strong negative qualities of this personality type may be inflexible and difficult to work with. It is also worth noting the appropriateness of other people's personality types and personal orientations and general faculties to their job/role/tasks. It is also worth noting how open people are and if they are willing to grow and have an interest in personal and professional development, or are locked up tight like a vice (on an emotional level); how honest they are with themselves, and their general level of personal awareness; and how able they are to discuss possible improvements to processes or communication; how able they are to take constructive criticism without becoming defensive or overly emotional; and how willing they are to make their work reusable by others and transparent; how considerate people are of others; how much awareness people have of other (empathy); and how willing they are to follow procedures and due process; and how willing they are to take and follow orders and instructions. Not everyone may share your ambitions and values. It may also be important to work with colleagues who have real personality, passion, enthusiasm and character. It is worth nothing if the atmosphere is relaxed, energised, or dull, boring, stressful or hostile. Is there proper management or is there chaos? Do workers take responsibility or do they like to palm work off onto others and not see the bigger picture? Do people share common goals and values? Some may have negative attitudes to customers or to following procedure or keeping their workstation ordered (where it is possible to find what you are looking for easily!) It is better to try to figure these things out first off and preferably at the interview stage or early on, rather than later on.

Ideally in your job you will enjoy and thrive on the atmosphere and really like your colleagues, and find many of them inspiring or good mentors or friends. At the very minimum, colleagues should respect each others differences and limitations, and treat each other politely and with respect, and act professionally, even if they do not like each other particularly; and make an effort to develop a little personal awareness and interpersonal awareness.

If this is not the case, then you really should leave as soon as possible for another job or occupation. Those who are unwilling to develop any awareness of how they are and the needs of others, and are trapped in their own fixed emotional patterns and modes of behaviour are best to be avoided. Any job that does not consider your health, your worthiness as a person and your family needs is not worth wiping off your shoe, and regardless of your financial or personal circumstances, you are most likely better off without it. You would be amazed how your quality of life could improve in a slightly different working environment. Opportunities are out there but if you don't look, you will never know and life will just pass you by.

The field of your occupation (and type of job within that field) should really be something that you find interesting, that stimulates you intellectually, that you are passionate about, that utilises your creative and intellectual strengths, that suits your personality type and personal orientation qualities, that utilises your various talents, and which fulfills your fundamental human needs.

If you are not very familiar with these things and how your personality really relates to various occupations and fields, what your tastes really are, what kinds of relationships and situations you like, and how your skills and personality relate to the variety of occupational choices out there, then you may well lack life experience, self-knowledge and above all confidence and high self-esteem. These are things to work on if this is the case.

If your idea about a career is to go into a vague field, such as the environment, but you do not have any idea about what particular area within the environment, or what type of skill set you want to develop, and you do not really know much about that field or understand it, then you are most likely not interested in it enough! To start with you have to be interested in yourself. Then you can more easily figure out what will interest you and focus more clearly on what you want to actually go for. Certain types of industry or job may not necessarily require a dedicated choice from the outset, and a project manager may well evolve into a marketing manager, a technical product manager, sales person or technical sales support person. Sometimes certain jobs are required as a stepping stone to other areas. This is something you will have to get a handle on yourself.

Often those who do not actively make positive choices based on their positive self-knowledge, but allow situations to simply happen to them or do what they feel they 'ought' to do through years of conditioning, are in effect allowing others to make the decisions for them, and may well end up wondering how they ended up in such a boring, mind numbing, mindless, depressing, stressful or unpleasant environment, in work and at home!

The following lyrics from the Naked Raygun song 'Entrapment' are particularly pertinent here:


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